What do you think Oregon cows were meant for — besides chewing their cud and leaving cow paddies?

Photo by Annebell Dogger on Unsplash

I have to agree with Jack that oatmeal milk is pretty awful stuff. Only reason nuked oatmeal exists is to make Monday mornings even more miserable than they already are. Just spiteful, gray globs of goo waiting to congeal in your stomach while the boss is screaming — and the honey’s not much help.

OK, maybe a fifth margarita wasn’t necessary, but Sunday night is depressing!

Last February, just as the Covid was freezing everybody in place, I flew to Portland for a writing conference. Found a free-standing coffee kiosk by the Hyatt where a lean faced barista was worked his small counter solo with a proud picture of his preschool son behind him.

The barista said he did a good business off the summer tourists up from San Francisco. He declared his almond-oatmeal milk blend for the single-press espresso was to die for. Heavy cream not good enough for him?

Portland, right?

All those white boys marching and rioting — because they hate oatmeal milk, too. But why’s Jack’s going all frothy about soy milk? If you ask me, it’s just an excuse to sneak in another veggie. Why do cows have teats, anyway? Only so many milkshakes a boy can slurp.

Jack’s a sly writer and he loves him some soy — he must live in Portland.

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A practicing writer and architect, he is now squandering hours making a mess from writing.

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